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Two Things.
Dec. 19th, 2022 14:391. I was talking to a friend last night and she mentioned how she's struggling with how much she craves approval from other people and how hard it can be for her to do something as simple as complain about a missing amazon package because she worries that the amazon rep will judge her and put her on the "bad customer list."
And as someone whose anxiety about what people think literally means that I struggle to participate in fandom even though I've been here for twenty years, I mean. Yeah. We talked about it for a while and I was supportive and we talked about therapy and stuff.
But I've been thinking about this since yesterday and part of me thinks that, well, this is just very human of us, isn't it? We're a communal species, wanting approval and support from other people is frankly natural and a really good defense mechanism for not being eaten by a saber-tooth tiger or whatever, isn't it? Like, the fact that it's hitting us really hard right now feels like maybe our internal checkers are off. Or maybe, that the reality of the world right now means that we are overwhelmed by so much judgement from so many different places and mingling of communities and social norms in ways we struggle to navigate. But maybe...maybe it will help to not frame the WHOLE thing as a bad thing, and just something we need to fine-tune for ourselves because really, a person who doesn't care about what anyone thinks doesn't sound like a good solution either? IDK, I've just been musing and I'm trying to puzzle out my feelings in my own head.
2. I am, once again, trying to cut down the number of tabs I have. (I have so many it's slowing down my computer and I have to restart more than I want to. My computer was bought in 2021, I am not ok with this!) Also I want to move over to firefox and I have too many tabs open to make the move right now.
For an embarrassing sense of scale, I have sixteen windows open. I am currently trying to close tabs in only two of those windows. Window #1 has 105 tabs open. Window #2 has 114 tabs open! (Window #3 has 5 tabs, so there's that at least)
The problem is that I don't want to lose so many of these tabs. Like I feel guilty closing them! But I have nowhere to put them! Some I'm saving on diigo, my extremely messy bookmarking tool, so that's...something?
So. Many. Tabs.
And as someone whose anxiety about what people think literally means that I struggle to participate in fandom even though I've been here for twenty years, I mean. Yeah. We talked about it for a while and I was supportive and we talked about therapy and stuff.
But I've been thinking about this since yesterday and part of me thinks that, well, this is just very human of us, isn't it? We're a communal species, wanting approval and support from other people is frankly natural and a really good defense mechanism for not being eaten by a saber-tooth tiger or whatever, isn't it? Like, the fact that it's hitting us really hard right now feels like maybe our internal checkers are off. Or maybe, that the reality of the world right now means that we are overwhelmed by so much judgement from so many different places and mingling of communities and social norms in ways we struggle to navigate. But maybe...maybe it will help to not frame the WHOLE thing as a bad thing, and just something we need to fine-tune for ourselves because really, a person who doesn't care about what anyone thinks doesn't sound like a good solution either? IDK, I've just been musing and I'm trying to puzzle out my feelings in my own head.
2. I am, once again, trying to cut down the number of tabs I have. (I have so many it's slowing down my computer and I have to restart more than I want to. My computer was bought in 2021, I am not ok with this!) Also I want to move over to firefox and I have too many tabs open to make the move right now.
For an embarrassing sense of scale, I have sixteen windows open. I am currently trying to close tabs in only two of those windows. Window #1 has 105 tabs open. Window #2 has 114 tabs open! (Window #3 has 5 tabs, so there's that at least)
The problem is that I don't want to lose so many of these tabs. Like I feel guilty closing them! But I have nowhere to put them! Some I'm saving on diigo, my extremely messy bookmarking tool, so that's...something?
So. Many. Tabs.
