eldabe: single black wing against a yellow background (cursed child)
So Dreamwidth is doing the anti-spam crackdown thing and reminded people to check that their emails are verified for their accounts.

I have the following accounts:

Eldabe - my main one, where I spend my time, hello.
Eldarwannabe - my LJ backup. It makes me sad I couldn't back up the comments, my favorite part, but I don't want to lose this either. Why didn't I back up my LJ to this account? I don't know, I'm a messy disaster.
S****** - An old account I made a while back to be my main complaining place for stuff I didn't put anywhere else. I used it for a few months and then stopped, but I logged back in to check anyway.
I***** - This account I've been saving for one day when I am a Serious Adult Person who blogs about Serious Adult Things. I should probably give up on that dream, but whatever! I still want the account, the username is really meaningful to me.

I pay for a bunch of Dreamwidth points every year, I don't feel bad about four accounts. I tried to log into each of them, and good news, I still have the first three passwords saved. Bad news, don't know what the password was for the last one and more importantly, don't remember which email address I connected it to! So that's my next great adventure to track down, WHOOPS. x_x

More importantly, I've been wanting to make a new account and I feel like this is a good impetus to do so. See, the thing is, one of the things that makes me anxious about the fics I'm writing right now is that they are darker fics in Cursed Child fandom, a ridiculously fluffy fandom. Like, RIDICULOUSLY fluffy. And there's been some...IDK, fandom drama seems too strong, but I was made to feel uncomfortable in this fandom for wanting to write about some dark stuff. And with my fandom anxiety, it completely shut me down for a while. And I feel like, if I can find an even MORE pseudonymous account to post some of my darker (and, uh, sexier?) stuff, it might help give me the courage to do it.

Part of me thinks, oh gosh, this is ridiculous. How many accounts do I want to juggle?

And part of me is like, if it helps, do it. It's free! I'll made a DW and an AO3 account and I'll just make sure to only post on those two platforms. And people will find my fics, or more likely they won't, and at least I'll have the courage to put them out there. And that's a good goal.

(Part of me is like, no one uses DW, I can just post them here and only make a new Ao3 account and the odds that anyone will put it all together are small lolol. But I've linked my DW on my fandom twitter and my fandom tumblr and my Ao3, so I think....not.)

The one thing is coming up with a new username. And maybe a new email address to keep it all tidy. I mean, roleplayers on DW do much more complicated stuff! This shouldn't be so hard!
eldabe: Image of canal in Venice (Default)
So I was talking to a friend, R, about how hard it's been for me to be in a fandom and also kind of disliking the fanfic in the fandom. Cursed Child fandom has this weird "mandatory fluff" culture and it's really hard to find darkfic, and endless angst, both of which are my candy. I've been trying to write what I want, but the truth is that I'm not a great writer and I'm glacially slow (and extremely anxious) so I haven't really managed it yet.

And R, VERY KINDLY, recced me some angsty/dark fics in Star Trek and Marvel Movies, which are the fandoms R reads in, and I'm familiar enough with both of them (I was even in Star Trek fandom, sort of, for a hot minute). But I'm not in these fandoms and I don't ship these ships.

It's so weird! It's so weird to read fic that scratch the itch amazingly. Dark angst and bad decisions and nightmares and bad communication mmmm, perfect. But I don't? Ship these ships? So Nu!Spock and Nu!Kirk keep making eyes at each other and I'm like...I don't see it but okay.

And all the Marvel fics are Tony/Steve and oh boy, I like, sometimes ship Steve and Bucky but my fave Marvel Movie fic was gen. True story! I just don't ship these people very much. IDK, it's not on purpose!

And these are WILDLY popular ships. And of course, the more popular a ship, the more fic there is. And the more fic there is, the more likely there will be fic of all sorts, including the dark angsty stuff that I love. And I am loving that part, some scenes are making me so happy.

And like, I used to be a lot more loud about not shipping things and I'm still willing to mention it in spaces like this, my space where I can say stuff, but I find it super rude to mention to people who do ship the ship. Because like, I'm not here to be convinced? And I feel like it reads unintentionally as a judgement. Which it isn't! I believe strongly in ship and let ship. I WISH I could incept myself to love fandoms and ships that are popular. It would make my life easier! In so many ways!

This isn't even the first time. I read everything Astolat writes in fandoms I understand (I think I might just be in the Astolat fandom) and I love her HP fic. But it's all Drarry. I don't ship Drarry. I sometimes stop reading the fic once the shippy stuff starts. It doesn't hit quite the same way, I think maybe she does a bit more work moving her characters through time enough so that I'm willing to suspend my disbelief a bit more. Or maybe her writing style just hits so exactly on my target.

But IDK. I'm enjoying having some new fic to read which I am assured is the kind of stuff I want in fics right now. I just wish I could get it more in my fandoms I guess? Back to reading this epically amazing Kirk/Spock fic where luckily Kirk is a perfect trash fire.

__

[personal profile] lannamichaels has given me a ton of excellent fic recs but I find the unfamiliarity of the fandom too overwhelming so I'm saving them. I have absolutely gotten into a fandom fic-first (Inception, and a little bit Torchwood) so like...it's possible! I just have to be up to it apparently.
eldabe: Image of canal in Venice (Default)
So I was browsing Professional Writing Twitter, as I do*. And I'm following some links...and someone retweets Robin Hobb.

Now, I have two reactions. One, Robin Hobb is on twitter? I associate her so strongly with her books, a relic of my childhood, that it feels weirdly modern for me to see her on Twitter.

And second: ugh, Robin Hobb doesn't support fanfiction, click AWAY.

I mean, Anne Rice may be gone, but I remember the days of logging into ff.net and seeing an entire list of authors that don't allow fanfiction of their works. It was a startling experience as a baby fan. (And I stopped reading her books after that. There are THOUSANDS OF BOOKS in the world that I want to read, I'm okay missing one or two.)

*Rule is that I can't log into twitter. I've deactivated all of my accounts. This means that I generally hit up one or two twitter accounts of professionals that I like and then I get so frustrated by how much Twitter tries to FORCE you to make an account and log in that I walk away before I hit existential crisis levels of Twitter angst.
eldabe: Image of canal in Venice (Default)
Siiiiiigh. (Link goes to a tumblr blog post about recent content from Lindsay Ellis and Sarah Z about fanfiction. The language gets a bit strong, just a heads up.) (Also, there's valid commentary specifically on fandom as a queer space that I'm just not equipped to talk about but don't want to entirely ignore, so, to be clear, I defer entirely to Older Than Netfic on this)

Youtube has been a primary form of media consumption for me for, hmmm, a few years now? And I liked Lindsay Ellis since she was still working with Channel Awesome, so like. The parasocial fondness is real.

But she has been...not great...about fanfiction for a long time. She will admit that she wrote it, but she always spins it either as a dumb kid thing or qualifies fanfiction as her stepping stone to writing "real" fiction.

And like, she's not alone. There's a lot of pressure in that direction in fandom still. When I was younger, I thought that was the only real justification for investing into fanfiction writing. And then Naomi Novick was like, nahh, I can still write my Game of Thrones OTP while cranking out fabulous fantasy novels, bu-bye, and while I have lots of other fun anxieties related to fanfiction, it's been a relief to remind myself, no, fanfiction is wonderful as a goal in and of itself. So I'm actually pretty tired and turned off by Lindsay's perspective on fanfiction. Honestly, the best thing I can say about it is that she rarely talks about fanfiction, and she's so clearly uncomfortable with the topic that she avoids it. Which is great! Please don't talk about fanfiction, Lindsay. You're not in the community, you're not hip to the jive (and like, for ME to say that...lol), you can bring other media perspectives in. Leave the fanfiction corner of fandom alone.

(I enjoyed her videos on the omegaverse stuff primarily because she avoided the fanfiction angle as much as possible. And I thinks she was right to do so!)

Now....Sarah Z. I liked her for a while. I actually think I'm still subscribed to her, technically. But as I literally dig through her archive...I haven't liked anything she's posted in years. I'm pretty sure I found her during the Channel Awesome debacle, where her research skills came in handy in being one of many voices breaking down a complicated story. And I enjoyed her video on Heathers (literally the second-oldest video on her channel) because it was clearly coming from the perspective of a fan of Heathers criticizing problems with the new show. Her content focused on media productions has always been decent.

But I realize, as I scroll through Sarah Z's content, that I never really liked her content on fandom, even when I agreed with some of her points. I actually tried to watch her video on the Oncler fandom multiple times because it was a fandom I didn't know, and I love learning about new fandoms. What are the trends, who are the people, what is the content being produced? Individual fandoms are like individual little ecologies, existing both independently and intertwined with larger fandom as a whole. And getting to see other fandoms, without my personal Fandom Brain getting in the way, can be a delight!

But I just haven't gotten very far in the video. Sarah Z's obvious distaste for the fandom, and her past self, were such visceral turn-offs for me that I couldn't proceed.

I actively avoided her video essays on Sherlock and Supernatural. I'm not even in either of those fandoms, but I didn't want to hear her making fun of them, and I fully expect that to happen. Hbomberguy's takedown of Sherlock was, in my opinion, so gentle to the fans, and made it clear that the fans were treated terribly by Moffat. Based on nothing but the title card, in which Sarah Z is rubbing her temple in obvious judgement of the fandom, I wanted nothing to do with that video.

In fact, looking through her content, I'm not sure why I still think of myself as a fan. I did want to watch some of her videos about being a youtube creator (although I'm hesitant to try as I expect she's going to be kind of a jerk about her fans, and even when they deserve it, I don't trust her POV, you know?) and I think her video about the history of Rebecca Black's Friday is another valuable commentary, but that's...maybe it. At least Lindsay is sometimes willing to admit that her fandom feelings are uncontrollably bursting out of her, even if those feelings are not allowed to translate into fanfiction.

I wish there were youtubers who were more familiar with and supportive of, fanfiction and fanfiction-adjacent fandom spaces. It's odd how the youtube platform, which is one so borne of internet culture, is so hostile to fanfiction. Sure, fanfiction is acknowledged? But frequently as the butt of jokes. Lindsay Ellis' "well, this is something I did as a child but no longer" seems progressive almost, in context.

Maybe it's the result of youtube being so clearly tied to real life identities in a way fanfiction communities have avoided for so long? Either way, it's a strong support for my old school preference for the safety of the fourth wall. I would rather spend time with the people who get it, who are kind and supportive and accept fanfiction as a good thing (or at least a neutral thing!) and cheerfully encourage fan creation in all it's wild and weird ways.

Oh, and also; so glad to be off twitter. So, so, so very glad.
eldabe: Image of canal in Venice (Default)
As the only person who occupies the Venn diagram center of [personal profile] copperbadge fandom and Cursed Child fandom, I talk about Sam's a LOT. (To clarify, Copperbadge's name is Sam and the original Albus Severus Potter in both London and New York City is named Sam Clemmett.)

So my poor roommate has had to train me. Now I have to specify "internet Sam" or "Cursed Child Sam."

Which is why I just edited my all-caps text to her from "SAM HAS CATS!!" to "INTERNET SAM HAS CATS!!"

Prepare for cat photos, roommate.

Oh and the second cast Scorpius Malfoy in London is also played by a Sam but I don't talk about him nearly as often, apparently. Probably because he never posts on social media. Good life choices, Sam Blenkin. Good job.
eldabe: Image of canal in Venice (Default)
I want to post more. So, here is to more posts, less second-guessing, less editing *cough* and the five people left on LJ/DW that aren't in online RPGs.

I realized over this Dragon*con that I'm not remember the usernames of new fandom people as well. I've always had a pretty hard time with names (and faces) and fandom can be kind of an overwhelming place with so many active people that it can be confusing. I normally take a looooong time to get into a fandom, which can give me time to distinguish individuals as I go.

But I've been lurking around Inception for, gosh, over two years now, and I've still only remembered dozen or so names.

I think it's a little bit from the new fandom platforms. I used to remember people using a lot of visual cues, like their default user icon, their journal layout, etc. Tumblr users don't utilize userpics the same way, and the layouts are either super-plain or horrible.

But even more important, AO3! I think the layout to AO3 is fabulous and the downloading options are the best thing ever, but there is very little to distinguish the author while I read. Just the username on top, which I TOTALLY skim by sometimes.

I think there's a cultural shift that comes from putting the fic in a seperate place from the meta, the journal, the messy thought and the unbetaed flash fic. It's not necessarily a bad thing! AO3 is, for lack of a better term, a lot more cleaned-up than LJ. It's easier to find the fic you want and just zoom past all the other junk.

On the other end of the spectrum, tumblr is so jammed with junk that even when I know that people post flash fic or ficlets or dabbles and what-have-you on their tumblr, if I'm not constantly checking and saving (and I'm TOTALLY NOT) I won't find it again. It can feel that if it's not "clean enough" for AO3, it won't get archived.

There's a part of me that even misses the really messy ff.net days, when for lack of anything else, people basically wrote journal posts as Authors Notes at the beginning of their fic chapters. I would sometimes know a lot about the writer's personality, thought process and sense of humor (remember when authors used A/Ns to reply to comments? :D) before even reading the next chapter.

By contrast, AO3 notes tend to be fairly minimal, sometimes to frustration.

Of course, ff.net also had the "lack of distinguishing visual characteristics of the fic layout" problem, and I memorized very few writer names on ff.net, and I was never much active in fandom there either.

But at least people filled out their profiles on ff.net. On AO3 and tumblr, I may never know anything about anyone!

__

OH! I also want to post about LJ BNF culture. I had some really interesting discussions.
eldabe: Image of canal in Venice (Default)
How did SXSW end up with more fandom panels than Dragon*Con?

Dagnabbit, why won't they let us have our fandom track???

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