have been unavoidably detained by the world

So I was talking to a friend, R, about how hard it's been for me to be in a fandom and also kind of disliking the fanfic in the fandom. Cursed Child fandom has this weird "mandatory fluff" culture and it's really hard to find darkfic, and endless angst, both of which are my candy. I've been trying to write what I want, but the truth is that I'm not a great writer and I'm glacially slow (and extremely anxious) so I haven't really managed it yet.

And R, VERY KINDLY, recced me some angsty/dark fics in Star Trek and Marvel Movies, which are the fandoms R reads in, and I'm familiar enough with both of them (I was even in Star Trek fandom, sort of, for a hot minute). But I'm not in these fandoms and I don't ship these ships.

It's so weird! It's so weird to read fic that scratch the itch amazingly. Dark angst and bad decisions and nightmares and bad communication mmmm, perfect. But I don't? Ship these ships? So Nu!Spock and Nu!Kirk keep making eyes at each other and I'm like...I don't see it but okay.

And all the Marvel fics are Tony/Steve and oh boy, I like, sometimes ship Steve and Bucky but my fave Marvel Movie fic was gen. True story! I just don't ship these people very much. IDK, it's not on purpose!

And these are WILDLY popular ships. And of course, the more popular a ship, the more fic there is. And the more fic there is, the more likely there will be fic of all sorts, including the dark angsty stuff that I love. And I am loving that part, some scenes are making me so happy.

And like, I used to be a lot more loud about not shipping things and I'm still willing to mention it in spaces like this, my space where I can say stuff, but I find it super rude to mention to people who do ship the ship. Because like, I'm not here to be convinced? And I feel like it reads unintentionally as a judgement. Which it isn't! I believe strongly in ship and let ship. I WISH I could incept myself to love fandoms and ships that are popular. It would make my life easier! In so many ways!

This isn't even the first time. I read everything Astolat writes in fandoms I understand (I think I might just be in the Astolat fandom) and I love her HP fic. But it's all Drarry. I don't ship Drarry. I sometimes stop reading the fic once the shippy stuff starts. It doesn't hit quite the same way, I think maybe she does a bit more work moving her characters through time enough so that I'm willing to suspend my disbelief a bit more. Or maybe her writing style just hits so exactly on my target.

But IDK. I'm enjoying having some new fic to read which I am assured is the kind of stuff I want in fics right now. I just wish I could get it more in my fandoms I guess? Back to reading this epically amazing Kirk/Spock fic where luckily Kirk is a perfect trash fire.

__

lannamichaels has given me a ton of excellent fic recs but I find the unfamiliarity of the fandom too overwhelming so I'm saving them. I have absolutely gotten into a fandom fic-first (Inception, and a little bit Torchwood) so like...it's possible! I just have to be up to it apparently.

Tom Hiddleston: "One of the most interesting conversations Chris [Hemsworth] and I kept having was, "What does Loki want in the end?" What does he want? I was unable to come up with a definitive answer."

HAHAHA.

Oh, it's not just me then? Ok, good.

(Haven't seen the movie yet, plan to, Darcy's in it!)

Dear Joss,

I really like the Buffyverse, so don't do something to ruin this for me forever, k?

(Coulson is a good start.)

<3,

Me

I have never felt so shallow. It's like I'm reading the People Magazine of comic books or something, but WHO CARES.

Comics Alliance has picked the 50 Sexiest Male Characters in Comics!

( AND I HAVE OPINIONS. )