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Jun. 22nd, 2022 20:04So.
In 2012 I wrote some fic.
It was back in Torchwood fandom, the only fandom where I actually found a platform and group of people where I felt really happy, and actually participated instead of lurked, and I made friends (most of whom I'm no longer as in touch with, although I still think fondly of them all). It was also a time of a lot of upheaval, in fandom and my own life, and I dunno. I got hit with a lot of anxiety. (Which I'm still dealing with, life is fun, maybe one day I'll have a therapist I trust enough to talk about fandom with.) And longer story very short, I never posted a few fics. Fics I'm actually quite proud of, that I have re-read and enjoyed.
One of them is a bit dated in terms of LGBTQ issues, although it's so subtle I actually wonder if kids these days would catch it. It does make me even more nervous to post, although I know I can post-date the fic and write up in an author's note. But otherwise, the fics are mostly just....fine. They're all for a fandom so old I don't think it's very active, and I should. just. post. I think about it all the time. For the past few YEARS in fact. I think about it on most Wednesdays, which back when I first got the fic mildly beta-ed, was widely heralded as The Best Day To Post On AO3 to get readers.
Huh. Maybe I should post on the worst day to get readers. Maybe that would help.
Anyway, the anxiety has been holding me back. I've posted very little fic since those days, and in some ways I also find fandom (and...the internet) a much more anxiety-inducing place.
Anyway, there isn't a point to this post. I just realized I have had these fics sitting in my "finished and unposted*" folder for a decade, probably, and thought about it again.
__
*Like I'm that organized. My fanfic notes and ideas and bits and pieces are scattered across dozens of folders and HUNDREDS of docs.
In 2012 I wrote some fic.
It was back in Torchwood fandom, the only fandom where I actually found a platform and group of people where I felt really happy, and actually participated instead of lurked, and I made friends (most of whom I'm no longer as in touch with, although I still think fondly of them all). It was also a time of a lot of upheaval, in fandom and my own life, and I dunno. I got hit with a lot of anxiety. (Which I'm still dealing with, life is fun, maybe one day I'll have a therapist I trust enough to talk about fandom with.) And longer story very short, I never posted a few fics. Fics I'm actually quite proud of, that I have re-read and enjoyed.
One of them is a bit dated in terms of LGBTQ issues, although it's so subtle I actually wonder if kids these days would catch it. It does make me even more nervous to post, although I know I can post-date the fic and write up in an author's note. But otherwise, the fics are mostly just....fine. They're all for a fandom so old I don't think it's very active, and I should. just. post. I think about it all the time. For the past few YEARS in fact. I think about it on most Wednesdays, which back when I first got the fic mildly beta-ed, was widely heralded as The Best Day To Post On AO3 to get readers.
Huh. Maybe I should post on the worst day to get readers. Maybe that would help.
Anyway, the anxiety has been holding me back. I've posted very little fic since those days, and in some ways I also find fandom (and...the internet) a much more anxiety-inducing place.
Anyway, there isn't a point to this post. I just realized I have had these fics sitting in my "finished and unposted*" folder for a decade, probably, and thought about it again.
__
*Like I'm that organized. My fanfic notes and ideas and bits and pieces are scattered across dozens of folders and HUNDREDS of docs.
