(no subject)
Nov. 11th, 2017 22:46![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eldabeI have to stop using my facebook as a good place to go when I'm feeling down. It's just...it's a bad idea. So, apparently graduating law school fixed none of my problems WHODA THUNK.
So, anyway, work had begun. And I know, I know it's not as terrible as it will be. I know that I'm still protected because I'm new, and that is good and whatnot. I'm probably pre-emptively panicking a little bit because if I'm staying until 10pm in the office now, I can't imagine what it's going to look like later.
(Oh also because I keep being yelled at for how I edit these contracts but OMG YOU ARE NOT EXPLAINING TO ME WHAT YOU THINK I AM DOING WRONG and as far as I can tell 90% of the edits you are giving me are AESTHETIC CHANGES. You use the EXACT SAME WORDS IN A DIFFERENT ORDER and then give me five new contracts for "practice" wtffffffffff.) (Yes, I can appreciate that words can have different legal meaning in different order but YOU ARE NOT EXPLAINING IT TO ME I CANNOT READ YOUR MIND AHHHH)
I have this large existential fear that this job is going to swallow me. I've always come down hard on the side of "work to live," but what does that mean when you don't have any time outside of work for life? And then I remind myself that I'm not even a month in, why am I freaking out this badly, I will figure out how to balance this (well, not balance, but carve out space for myself or something) and I don't want to do this for the rest of my life (oh, hold the freakout about not knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life...) but it will probably take me five years to pay off my loans, AT LEAST, can I do this for five years?
And there's the part of me that knows I was miserable in law school, I know, but I miss it desperately. On Tuesday the Corporate meeting opened with a partner asking if anyone voted, and NO ONE. NO ONE voted, not even the partner. I (who am not yet registered to vote in this state because I moved too recently for this election) knew about all three ballot initiatives, and no one else did. I miss the civic responsibility my fellow students and I felt. I miss the discussion of legal changes that came from genuine interest. I miss intellectual curiosity.
Sigh. I dunno. Work is happening.
So, anyway, work had begun. And I know, I know it's not as terrible as it will be. I know that I'm still protected because I'm new, and that is good and whatnot. I'm probably pre-emptively panicking a little bit because if I'm staying until 10pm in the office now, I can't imagine what it's going to look like later.
(Oh also because I keep being yelled at for how I edit these contracts but OMG YOU ARE NOT EXPLAINING TO ME WHAT YOU THINK I AM DOING WRONG and as far as I can tell 90% of the edits you are giving me are AESTHETIC CHANGES. You use the EXACT SAME WORDS IN A DIFFERENT ORDER and then give me five new contracts for "practice" wtffffffffff.) (Yes, I can appreciate that words can have different legal meaning in different order but YOU ARE NOT EXPLAINING IT TO ME I CANNOT READ YOUR MIND AHHHH)
I have this large existential fear that this job is going to swallow me. I've always come down hard on the side of "work to live," but what does that mean when you don't have any time outside of work for life? And then I remind myself that I'm not even a month in, why am I freaking out this badly, I will figure out how to balance this (well, not balance, but carve out space for myself or something) and I don't want to do this for the rest of my life (oh, hold the freakout about not knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life...) but it will probably take me five years to pay off my loans, AT LEAST, can I do this for five years?
And there's the part of me that knows I was miserable in law school, I know, but I miss it desperately. On Tuesday the Corporate meeting opened with a partner asking if anyone voted, and NO ONE. NO ONE voted, not even the partner. I (who am not yet registered to vote in this state because I moved too recently for this election) knew about all three ballot initiatives, and no one else did. I miss the civic responsibility my fellow students and I felt. I miss the discussion of legal changes that came from genuine interest. I miss intellectual curiosity.
Sigh. I dunno. Work is happening.
no subject
Date: Nov. 12th, 2017 20:17 (UTC)no subject
Date: Nov. 12th, 2017 22:25 (UTC)